I'm Not A Hero
by Sedor
Summary: Ichigo buried every negative trait in the depths of his soul and from these traits Hollow Ichigo was born. After meeting his King for the first time, will the Hollow within go ahead and fight his King, or will he take a different route. AU from Episode 39.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm Not A Hero**

Happy New Year guys and girls and sorry that this is not what you were expecting. Unfortunately right now I'm quite simply bored and need something to make me want to write again. Hopefully this helps a bit with me lack of motivation at the moment. AU from Episode 39

Warning: There will be hints of romance in the future, but other than saying there will be no yaoi or yuri, I'm not going to say much else on who it is with.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach

"Normal Speech"

'_Inner Speech/Thoughts'_

"_Kido/Zanpakuto/Quincy Techniques"_

"**Zanpakuto Speech"**

"_**Hollow Speech"**_

XXX

_I am the hatred to your love, the anger to your joy, the cruelty to your kindness._

_They greet you with cheers and condemn me to Hell._

_And yet at the end of the day…you and I…are one and the same._

XXX

**Chapter 1: Instinct Knows Best**

**August 5****th**

Hollow Ichigo scowled down at the broken blade in his hands, the sword shaking in his hands slightly as his fingers tightened around the hilt of the blade and he grit his teeth in frustration. It seemed that Zangetsu had felt that Ichigo was ready to wield his powers again and had sent him back to face Kenpachi, but he wasn't so sure. Throughout their fight, Ichigo had looked at him with fear and distrust, feelings that sickened him. If that attitude didn't change…then when he finally matured enough to offer his powers, he would be rejected and left to wallow in the deepest recesses of his soul yet again.

"**Are you ready to return?" **Zangetsu asked him, drawing the hollow's attention away from the broken blade.

"_**Your plan will fail Zangetsu," **_he murmured, causing the spirit to raise an eyebrow at him curiously. _**"If we follow it as it is now, we will not be able to protect him to the best of our abilities."**_

"**Accepting you will test him, to determine whether he can see past the monster in his soul, to do what must be done to win."**

"_**And I'm telling you that he will not accept me, not even when he lies moments away from death with the safety of his…'friends' on the line."**_

"**What would you do then? Deny what you are and offer to help him? To go against your very nature and nurture his growth? Or do you intend to turn him into a monster like yourself?" **he asked curiously, seeing the hollow shake his head.

"_**Neither. He will still make the choice, but I would have him make an informed choice. He is…half the man he should be, just as you and I are only half of what we once were. Watch over him for now Zangetsu…for I will make him whole again," **_the hollow said ominously, his body disintegrating into black dust and returning to Zangetsu's cloak.

XXX

**August 6****th**

Ichigo's limbs shook as he stood with Byakuya Kuchiki within Senbonzakura's Senkei, a pitch black arena surrounded by a revolving wall of blades, his eyes wide with fear as the Sixth Division Captain slowly raised his blade up high, preparing to finish him off.

'_I won't…I won't die here dammit!' _he shouted inwardly, struggling to get his uncooperative limbs to do something, anything. _'Move dammit! Move. Just fucking move!' _he shouted, just as Byakuya swung his blade down, his death mere inches away.

"_**Tch, your pathetic you know that," **_a familiar voice cackled, just as time seemed to slow and come to a complete stop. Looking past the frozen Captain, Ichigo could see the bleached-white version of himself step out from behind his opponent. _**"Here I find you yet again about to lose to a guy, despite you having a fucking awesome sword. Tell me again 'partner', have you forgotten our last conversation already?"**_

"Forgotten? What are you doing here in the first place?! Where's Zangetsu?!"

"_**Tch, you really are an idiot 'partner'. What did you have to do, to get that Bankai you're using?" **_the hollow asked with a smirk, while Ichigo's eyes lit up with comprehension. _**"At least you're not a complete idiot, but yes you guessed right. He needs time to recover after you beat him, so that's why I get to talk to you for now."**_

"Talk? About what?"

"_**Let's start with what you're doing shaking in fear against Byakuya Kuchiki. He's already told you that he's not the one that's gotten stronger; you've just gotten weaker…why is that?"**_

"My limbs…they feel like the life's being slowly crushed out of them, what do I do to stop it?"

"_**Why are you asking me 'partner'? Shouldn't you be asking the guy that gave you this power?" **_his hollow asked him with a quirked eyebrow, enjoying the look of frustration he got in return.

"But you just said that Zangetsu needs to recover! How the hell am I supposed to ask him then?!"

"_**You really are an idiot. Did Zangetsu tell you how to actually go Bankai? Did he actually tell you what you had to do, to go Bankai? Did he explain to you at all what your Bankai does?"**_ Watching Ichigo think over his words, he pressed on. _**"He did no such thing. So that begs the question…how did you know what to do? It wasn't anything more than your natural instincts, those same instincts that have been helping you since you were born. Even now they scream out to you, but you ignore them now. You ignore that which wants to help you, that which will help you win!"**_

"I'm not ignoring them, because I can't hear them. I'm ignoring them, because they want me to show no mercy. They want me to kill Byakuya without a second thought and despite the fact that he's willing to kill her, Rukia will be sad if I killed him here."

"_**So you're going to let yourself be killed instead?!"**_ his hollow shouted at him in outrage, causing Ichigo to wince from the volume and intent behind his tone._** "Tell me, how would she feel if you died instead eh? Then her brother here kills her as well, but its okay, because you didn't kill her brother and cause her even more pain! What kind of fucked up logic is that?!"**_

"I…I…" Ichigo stuttered, before averting his eyes and looking at the ground as he gritted his teeth together in frustration. The stranger was right, he conceded. Urahara had drilled it into him that he needs to go for the kill when he attacks, but even then a small part of his subconscious held him back and even now that small part was working to stop him from doing more damage than was necessary. Unbidden images came to his mind, images of his sisters and father mourning his passing if he died here. Of the funerals that would be held if Orihime, Uryu and Chad died here, the broken friends and family that would be left behind, all because he was too soft, too scared to do what was needed. Looking back up at his hollow, he could see the smirk on his face again as he watched Ichigo's eyes become almost lifeless and empty.

"_**Good, you've found what I left behind to help you, don't waste it now." **_Without another word, his hollow disappeared and time slowly resumed.

XXX

'_It's over now Boy,'_ Byakuya thought grimly as his blade descended on the motionless body of Ichigo Kurosaki. To his horrified surprise though, the teen's left hand shot out and wrapped itself around his sword, blood dripping from the appendage as the steel cut faintly into his flesh.

"What?" he asked dumbfounded as Ichigo turned to stare up at him, his eyes empty and lifeless. Before he could react any further, he gasped and doubled over as he was pulled forward, straight into Ichigo's knee, his ribs cracking under the tremendous force of the blow. A blinding pain soon followed after and he grit his teeth in agony and leapt back, his eyes locked on the gleaming black blade that had carved deep into his chest and shoulder.

"What happened to you Boy?" he asked slightly breathlessly, his attention back on the boy who stared at him emotionlessly. Not hearing an answer, he was stunned yet again as Ichigo vanished from his spot, reappearing behind him with barely a whisper. Calling a blade to his hand, he was barely in time to avoid a second slash that was aimed at his heart, deflecting it away in a shower of sparks and retaliating with a stab at Ichigo's ribs.

Leaning to the side, Ichigo hissed as the blade cut slightly into his side, his arm reaching down to wrap around Byakuya's elbow, before slamming his forehead into the noble's face with a sickening crunch, breaking his nose and disorientating him momentarily. Before Ichigo could capitalise though, the noble had the presence of mind to flash step as far away as possible, shaking his head to try and clear his daze. Hearing a faint tinkle of metal at his feet though, he looked down curiously, before gasping at the length of black chain that was wrapped around his ankle.

Yanking on the chain that was attached to the hilt of his blade, Ichigo hauled the noble across the ground, showing no reaction as his head bumped into the ground several times, before he slid to a stop in front of him. Slamming his foot down on Byakuya's right shoulder, he drove his blade into the soft flesh, eliciting a grunt of pain from him.

Pushing through the pain, Byakuya raised his left hand up to Ichigo, his palm acquiring a light blue glow. _"Hado no.33, Sokatsui!" _he chanted, causing a blue fireball to burst from his palm, striking Ichigo in his chest and tearing him and his blade away from Byakuya. As Ichigo struck the roof of the dome, the spell detonated, dropping him to the ground in a smoking heap.

Struggling to his feet, Byakuya watched dispassionately as Ichigo also stirred, before slowly rising up to his feet. "You continue to surprise me Ichigo Kurosaki," he murmured softly, watching as a bit of life returned to Ichigo's eyes and the teen smirked at him again.

"I'll take that as a compliment Byakuya," he muttered, feeling the haze of bloodlust lift from him, leaving him haggard once again.

Before either of them could say much more to one another though, they both stiffened as they felt several new presences appear on the hill with them. Watching as the dome faded away along with the wall of blades, Ichigo heard Byakuya gasp at the figures in front of him, while his own eyes widened at seeing Rukia and Renji back again.

"Ah, how unfortunate. I was hoping that the ryoka boy and Captain Kuchiki would have already been finished before we arrived," a kind, gentle voice said, causing Ichigo to turn to face it.

"Captain…Aizen…" Byakuya murmured in disbelief, his expression mirrored by Renji and Rukia. "What have you done?"

"Ah well, that would be quite the story to tell," Aizen said with a smirk. "Sadly I have no time to tell it."

XXX

Minutes passed and for Byakuya Kuchiki, his mind was racing at a million miles a second as he tried to reconcile everything that Isane Kotetsu had just informed them of. Aizen had massacred Central 46 and was responsible for his sister's execution. Aizen who was supposed to be dead, who didn't seem the least bit concerned at the full extent of the accusations.

The moment Lieutenant Kotetsu had finished speaking and his Lieutenant had confronted Aizen about her accusations, he watched stunned as the man was attacked, barely avoiding a fatal blow, his sister still in his hands. The sight of a friend's blood proved enough to trigger another episode from Ichigo, as the ryoka charged off in a frenzied rage at the traitor Captain. Watching as blow, after blow was rained down on the traitor, he could dimly hear Rukia gasp as Aizen effortlessly flash stepped past him, his blade sparkling in a dazzling fashion, before two cuts burst from Ichigo's back in a crimson spray and the young teen collapsed face first.

"Ichigo!" she screamed, before falling silent as Renji set her feet down gently on the ground. "Renji?" she asked curiously, falling back as he placed himself squarely in front of her.

"Captain…" Renji said softly, his eyes locked firmly on Aizen, unwavering.

Nodding his head almost imperceptibly, Byakuya flash stepped towards the pair, drawing his blade and holding it out in front of him.

"This cannot continue Aizen. What you've done, it goes against everything the Gotei 13 stand for," he spoke in his cold tone.

"Ah Byakuya-kun you seemed to be of the opinion that I care for the Gotei 13, but the you couldn't be further from the truth. But come now, you were about to kill your sister too. All I ask is that you step aside and allow me to follow through with such an act," Aizen said in a condescending tone, never losing the smirk on his face.

"I will not allow you to harm another member of the Kuchiki Clan."

"Very well then," Aizen replied with a sigh. "It seems I need to dispose of you all then." And without further fanfare, the man vanished as Byakuya called Senbonzakura to his aid.

XXX

Within Ichigo's inner world, Hollow Ichigo grimaced as Byakuya, Renji and soon after Komamura, were cut down with ease. Lost in his thoughts as he continued to watch the events outside, he barely took notice of the figure behind him, until they coughed and his ears perked up at the sound.

"_**Welcome back Zangetsu," **_he called out half-heartedly, not bothering to turn around. _**"You've missed out on quite a bit."**_

"**What have you done?" **the spirit asked slowly, watching his counterpart stiffen at his stern tone.

"_**I have merely restored what should have been there in the first place. I have taken the hate, the cruelty, every negative trait that was buried deep within his soul, I took and gave it a place in his heart,"**_ the hollow murmured as he turned around to face Zangetsu. _**"Say what you will, but he will become stronger at a much faster rate like this, than if we went along with your plan. And now I will not be confined to the deepest depths of his soul, but live where I want to.**_

XXX

A short introduction to this idea. Now just a couple of important points.

1 – This is not a merge/strike-a-deal/confront/accept Hollow Ichigo story. What I want goes beyond those ideas and I will explore that later on.

2 – The explanation of what happened during his fight with Byakuya will come later.

That's all for now, see ya.


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm Not A Hero**

Welcome back one and all. One of the reviewers from the last chapter commented that I was starting a few new stories while not updating my old ones and asked if it was writer's block, To be perfectly honest…I'm just bored. Sometimes I think I would make a better think-tank than author. Anyway read on and enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach

"Normal Speech"

'_Inner Speech/Thoughts'_

"_Kido/Zanpakuto/Quincy Techniques"_

"**Zanpakuto Speech"**

"_**Hollow Speech"**_

XXX

_I am Loving and Nurturing._

_I am Hateful and Destructive._

_I am Human._

XXX

**Chapter 2: To Be Human**

*Scratch, scratch*

There it was again, that god awful scraping sound that seemed to echo in his ears and rattle his mind.

*Scratch, scratch*

'_Where is it coming from?'_ Ichigo thought as his brows furrowed and he grits his teeth in annoyance. His head seemed to be echoing with that infernal racket.

*Scratch, scra…*

"Would you just fucking stop?!" he half-shouted as the sound started again, hearing a soft gasp as the sound stopped.

"Ichigo-san you're awake!" a timid voice said, prompting Ichigo to crack open a weary eye and look around for the owner. Over in the corner of the room he found himself staring back at a frightened Hanataro, the Fourth Division member clutching a broom in his shaking hands.

"Sorry Hanataro, but can you please stop making that noise, my head's killing me," he muttered softly, propping himself up on his elbows as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He soon found himself being forced back into the bed as Hanataro tried to force his shoulders back down.

"You need to rest Ichigo-san," the healer said as Ichigo scowled at him and tried to sit back up again. "You've been in a coma for the last three days. I need to tell Captain Unohana quickly so that she can come see you."

"Wait three days? Why…" he tried to say as he fought of the smaller boy, only to still as he heard the faint click of a door opening.

"I thought I felt someone's reiatsu becoming agitated and here I find an unruly patient wrestling with one of my healers," Unohana said with a beatific smile as she strode into the room, Isane at her side, and causing the two males to freeze. "Now Kurosaki-san, please lie back down. You've given us quite a bit of a scare already," she said gently, but there was a hint of command to her tone.

"Fine, just tell me what happened," he said as he fell back onto his pillow, barely registering as Hanataro moved away and Unohana took his place.

"All in good time Kurosaki-san, but I'm more concerned with why a seemingly healthy, young boy was asleep for three days," she commented, holding a glowing green palm above his forehead. "Are you experiencing any pain or discomfort at the moment?"

"Just a throbbing headache," he murmured as the green glow intensified briefly, blinding his eyes as he watched it. "Can you cut it out with the bright light?"

"No, so I suggest you close your eyes until the examination is over. Now other than a headache is there anything else?" Seeing him shake his head, she frowned and ended her diagnostic. "Well you're physically sound and other than a headache I believe you are mentally fine too. I'm going to have to ask that you remain within the Division Four barracks for another night at least, just as a precaution."

Hearing her words his eyes shot open and his lips twitched as he held back a grimace, ignoring the sound of the door creaking open again, at least until he heard the frantic shout of "Kurosaki-kun!" Turning his attention towards his visitors, he could see Orihime, Chad, Uryu and Rukia crowded around the door, poking their heads in to get a better look at him.

"Stop gawking at the door and come in already," he muttered as he ran a tired hand over his face, before wincing as he felt a chop connect with his head. Looking up with a glare, he could see Rukia nursing her hand as she muttered unintelligibly.

"Do refrain from attacking my patients Rukia-chan, especially so when they are experiencing a form of mental trauma," Unohana said with a gentle smile aimed at the small soul reaper. "I would be most displeased if you complicated the problem," she finished as she strode towards the door, her words leaving the group frozen in fear.

"Tch, yeah Rukia let's beat on the guy that just woke up from a coma," he muttered under his breath, causing Rukia to scowl and raise her hand again, only to freeze and lower it again, a softer expression on her face as she stared at the teen.

"We were worried about you Ichigo, we all were," she said softly, hearing him grunt his understanding.

"So what happened after I was knocked out?" he asked, frowning as they looked at each other hesitantly.

"Well Nii-sama and Renji tried to take on Aizen…but they couldn't do much against him. I don't know what happened, but one moment they were on their feet ready to face him and the next they were both on the ground, bleeding heavily. Captain Komamura and the others arrived soon after that, but he too was defeated with ease and with no other resistance, Aizen was able to remove something from within my soul. Kisuke will know more about it," she explained pausing for breath, before she continued. "After Aizen gave Ichimaru an order to finish me, but Nii-sama managed to free me from his grasp and took the blow himself. Like you, he's been in the Fourth Division since that day. As it stands the only reason why we managed to get out of there alive, is because the other Captains arrived and forced Aizen to retreat to Hueco Mundo, the home of the Hollows."

Blinking as he took in her tale, Ichigo tuned out the rest of the story as he thought back to what he remembered about the man they called Aizen. Ichigo couldn't even remember when he was attacked, a feeling that was painfully familiar as he recalled his first encounter with Byakuya. Conscious of the dull buzz that was Orihime's voice as she slipped into a colourful tale of her adventures in the Seireitei, he wondered if he could shut her up by crushing her windpipe, or perhaps breaking her jaw. Stunned at his thoughts, he rapidly shook his head and shouted out, "Enough!" shocking his friends at his outburst. "Look I'm glad you're okay and I'll hear all your stories some other time, but can you leave me alone for now please? My head's killing me."

As the others looked at him sympathetically, one among them was completely surprised at his reaction. After knowing Ichigo as long as he had, Chad was confused at Ichigo's tone and irritation. Of course he was still in recovery after his recent battle, but never before had he let his irritation show, or directed it to his friends in such a way, no matter the pain he was in. Passing it off as a result of the fact that it was a more grievous injury than before, he nodded along with the others and trooped out of the room, leaving Ichigo in peace for now.

Left alone, the teenager clutched his head again as the headache intensified, his own thoughts seeming alien to him as he fell back onto the bed, his head flopping down on the soft pillow with his eyes closed. _'What's happening to me? Why would I even think of hurting Inoue just to keep her quiet?' _he thought to himself, before passing out and slipping into an uneasy slumber.

XXX

What seemed like seconds later, but was in fact just over two hours, Ichigo felt a soft weight press down on the bed near his head and cracked an eye open to see his latest visitor. Staring back at him was a mass of black fur and cat-like yellow eyes. "Morning Yoruichi," he mumbled sleepily, seeing her frown at him.

"It's actually past lunch Ichigo," she replied in a slightly stern tone, her masculine voice sounding like an uncle disapproving of their nephew sleeping in so late. "The others told me that you've been a little more…snappish than normal. Captain Unohana is of the opinion that you need more rest and that is the only reason I have not hauled you out of this bed already."

Growling under his breath, Ichigo felt a surge of anger and annoyance at the Flash Goddess, similar to the one he felt earlier with his friends. "I'll apologise to them later Yoruichi, but…" he started to say only to cut himself off. What was he supposed to say? That he was angry at their annoying prattling and just wanted to nurse his aching head alone? It made him seem like a wimp in his mind and he refused to even entertain such a notion.

Opting for silence then, he made to sit up and soon staggered to his feet, surprising the Flash Goddess as she watched him. When he stumbled though, he found a pair of slim hands catching him. Looking down at his side, he found Yoruichi in her human form, her nude body pressed up against him, supporting his weight. Unlike before when he would rant and sputter at her to put some clothes on though, the feeling of anger and annoyance morphed into a primal lust and the urge to give into his deepest, darkest carnal desires.

"Easy there Ichigo," she murmured softly as she helped him back to his bed. "I didn't mean that you need to push yourself if you're not ready to yet." Noticing that he wasn't yelling at her, or blushing up a storm like last time, she looked up at his face, seeing his gaze roaming her body without a care, whilst his eyes seemed dead and lifeless to her. Flash stepping over to the gown in the corner; she quickly slipped into it, hiding her breasts and womanhood at the very least.

As if broken from a daze, Ichigo cursed and clutched his head again, gritting his teeth in agony as the pain returned and continued to intensify.

"Ichigo?! What's wrong?" Yoruichi asked as she rushed back to his side, grabbing the teen by his shoulders and pinning him down as he started to thrash about on his bed, while shouting for assistance at a passing healer. Once he was sedated and given another brief check-up by Unohana, it was decided to simply limit his interaction with others until they knew more about what was ailing him. For Yoruichi though, she had a vague suspicion as to what was causing him the mental trauma and it all led back to that damnable mask she found on his person.

XXX

Within his inner world, Ichigo's hollow and zanpakuto watched the events unfold with detached ease, barely appearing ruffled at their wielder's distress.

"**And so it begins. I believe you are going to leave him alone to deal with your 'gift'?"** the zanpakuto spirit asked, seeing the hollow nod his head. **"Very well, let us hope that your gamble has paid off then."**

XXX

Waking with a start that evening, Ichigo bolted upright in a cold sweat as he recalled everything that had happened since he initially awoke. From his violent thoughts towards his friends and his lust fuelled trance, he stumbled out of bed, collapsing on his knees as he struggled to stand.

'_I need to get away from them for now. Somewhere far away where they cannot trigger these…feelings,'_ he thought as he staggered to his feet, fumbling for his zanpakuto and heading towards the window in his room. Peering out of it, he cursed as he found himself on the topmost floor of the six storey hospital, but refused to let it stop him as he leapt from the window sill, pushing his reiatsu into his limbs and flash stepping away. Heading towards Sokyoku hill, he sneaked into the underground training area, convinced that at least for now he would have peace. As he sighed in relief, his nose wrinkled in annoyance as he finally caught a whiff of his own odour. Looking down at his skin, he could see that some effort was made to keep him relatively clean, but he still felt the need for a hot shower to get rid of the days offending smells.

Walking over to the hot spring within the training area, he carefully set Zangetsu down and began to disrobe, before slowly easing himself into the steaming pool. Relaxing into the water and letting it soothe his aches and pains, he scooped up some of it with his hands and brought it up to his face. When he caught his reflection though, his entire body stiffened and he stared frozen in shock at it. Staring back at him was his own reflection, but its expression was not his own. As looks of loathing, rage, lust, despair, cruelty and other such emotions flashed across his reflection's face, he let the water drop back and shattered the reflection.

'_What…what is happening to me?'_ he thought in despair, looking up as he felt a familiar presence in front of him.

"_**Isn't it obvious? You're giving in to the emotions that make you human,"**_ his hollow told him as he appeared in front of him, grinning like a madman.

"Make me human…why the hell would I want to feel these feelings to begin with? To make me human? Isn't it a sign of being human that we deny these urges and act in a more beneficial way?"

"_**And how did that work out for you huh?! Living in such a way weakened you 'partner'!"**_ his hollow shouted at him in anger. _**"Those who believe solely in the good or evil within themselves will fall to those that understand and accept both sides within them as part of their nature. You chose to follow only what you believed to be good and it almost killed you. You don't get to be an idealist 'partner', for there is no place in this world for such people and the sooner you realise that, the easier it'll be."**_

Silence reigned in the underground area as Ichigo digested his words and moments later he looked up again with a stony expression on his face. "Even if I agree with you, that still doesn't explain that they're doing to me now."

"_**What do you think is happening to you 'partner'? You've supressed these emotions for so many years and now that you've finally embraced them, they're running free within you, influencing your every thought and action."**_

"But how do I stop them? I don't want to become a monster fuelled by his instincts!"

"_**This is not something you can stop and simply put a lid on and ignore 'partner'. You wanted power and this is the price of it. You either learn to control them and keep them in check, or you go from a self-righteous do-gooder to an incarnation of evil. Remember 'partner', giving into these emotions now and then is acceptable, even enjoyable," **_he finished with a smirk, disappearing and leaving Ichigo alone with his words.

XXX

And we get another glimpse into what I'm trying to do. Now I know that Hollow Ichigo seems to have a big part here, but who better to explain his situation to him, but the being that put him there in the first place.

Time for some review responses or what I like to call my Insight Corner.

**Hybrid:** Well he is a hybrid in a sense since his hollow was born back in the Shattered Shaft, but he has not tapped into or accepted his hollows power yet. Hell he doesn't even know who the Hollow is.

**Merging:** I don't think that there needs to be a merge in the future. Guess we just have to wait and see.

**Powers:** Hmm, I don't know about giving his Bankai multiple forms, but his powers will be different to what normal stories normally use though.

Till next time guys and girls.


End file.
